The Rat Weighs In
May 5th, 2023 by The Rat
Okay, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is, I didn’t have the Ratbonic Plague, because my rash is all gone today!
On the other hand, I was feeling so bad yesterday that I had a few peanut butter cups to make myself feel better. Well, okay, I had MORE than a few. And that got me worried. I can’t afford to be so heavy that I slow down. After all, what if I meet up with a CAT someday? I have to be able to dash, see? So today I got on the scale, just to check how the ol’ weight is coming along.
And YIKES! I’d never seen a number that big before!
So I asked the nice library lady where her weight-loss books for rats were. And would you believe it? She said there are NO diet books for rodents! Not even guinea pigs, and most of them could stand to lose a few ounces (Why do you think they call them PIGS??)
Hmmm. Maybe I should write the world’s first diet book for rodents! I’ve been trying to think of some good titles. How about, Lose the Pudge, Say No to Fudge! or Take a Dare, Eat a Carr(ot). Or even better, How to Lose Weight on Seventeen Peanut Butter Cups a Day (that diet hasn’t been tested yet!)
Do YOU have any good ideas for titles?
- 31 Comments »
- Posted in Raston's Blog
May 5th, 2023 at 11:07 am
Hiya, Ratty! I hope that you will feel better soon! So I have 2 titles!
1. “Lose the Fat, Stay away from Cats!”
2. “I have a bet, try some let(tuce)”
Have a rat-tastic Friday, and I have 1 more piece of advice: Don’t have 17 peanut butters cup, have at least 3.
😀
May 5th, 2023 at 11:08 am
Hi ratty, I think a book title should how to lose weight as a rat ratty were
is the rat city
May 5th, 2023 at 11:08 am
A other book title is stop eating junk food and what is the address of rat city. Do you watch anime?
May 5th, 2023 at 11:09 am
Hey hey, Chase and Giovanni, thanks for your ideas!
Chase, “Lose the Fat, Stay away from Cats” is good advice for ANY rodent. The lettuce one is also good (except I don’t like lettuce very much. But I will try!) I think your advice is also good about the peanut butter cups. It will be hard to cut down, but at least you didn’t tell me to stop eating them altogether. And I did have a ratastic Friday, thanks! How about you?
Giovanni, “How to Lose Weight as a Rat” is a good title, too. Solid, factual, and it tells the reader exactly what the book is about! “Stop Eating Junk Food” is also a nice title, but I am not sure what you mean by junk food. Food you would normally throw away in the junk pile (like bones? I don’t eat them anyway.) Or food you would eat on a Chinese sailing ship, which is called a junk? I’m just not sure!
As far as the address of Rodent City, I’ll have to find out. I think I lost my address book!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:10 am
Hey ratty I think a good title for your book would be “The story of how ratty got in shape (A diet book for rodents)
May 5th, 2023 at 11:10 am
Hi Raston! So if you don’t have the Ratbonic Plague, then what do you think you have? And also, happy Friday!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:10 am
But I can’t think of any titles, sorry!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:11 am
Hiya, Jardian and Madeline, and Happy Monday!
Jardian, that’s a really good title. “The Story of How Ratty Got in Shape (A Diet Book for Rodents)” is cool because it’s all about MEEEEEEEE!!! And I love stories. I can see one problem, though. I would have to get in shape first, before I wrote the book. And who knows how long that would take? Ah well, I’d better get started!
Madeline, it’s okay that you can’t think of any titles. I’m getting lots of title ideas and I already can’t use them all! But about the Ratbonic Plague, I am not exactly sure what terrible disease I had. But I can tell you what it felt like: Itchy, Bumpy, and Really Annoying!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:12 am
Hey ratty! I told you not to eat peanut butter cups. I have a name for your book. How to start your rattastic diet. how are you ratty, I hope your feeling well, try to eat about 3 peanut better cups a day one for breakfast another one for lunch and the last one for dinner.
Hope this helps!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:12 am
Hello ratty I think making a diet book is a great idea but you should stop eating peanut butter cups try eating cherry tomato’s by the way Lose the pudge say no to fudge to me is the best one. :] From Valeria
May 5th, 2023 at 11:13 am
Well hello, Barbara and Valeria, and thanks for writing!
So, Barbara, I know you told me not to eat peanut butter cups. But just because someone tells you not to do something, does that ALWAYS mean you don’t do it? (Same with me. I’m not perfect, either!) I think I really like your suggestion about just cutting down on the PB cups, though. If I had one for each meal, I think I could maybe last out the day! It will be really tough (groan) but I am going to try it. Thanks. And I like “How to Start Your Ratastic Diet”! Because getting started is sometimes the hardest thing to do, right?
Valeria, eating cherry tomatoes is… well, it’s true they’re small. And brightly colored. And a little bit sweet. And they do pop deliciously in your mouth when you bite down. And if you’re lucky, they squirt out your mouth and hit some other rodent in the eye, which is highly amusing! So yeah, I think I’ll give them a try. And thanks for liking my title–I like that one, too!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:14 am
Hey Ratty!
So I would call the book Lose The Pudge, Say No To Fudge, because I really like that one. Maybe you should just call it how to lose weight as a rat! I would also recommend running from cats, that should make you lose a few pounds, or grams! If I had to choose from those names, I would call it, hm… Be a Normal Rat, and Try To Lose The Fat!!! (PS: That isn’t an insult to you!)
May 5th, 2023 at 11:14 am
Hmmmmmm…..maybe, “How to be a Rat without Fat”? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a good title!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:14 am
I haven’t thought of a good one yet. sorry. I will keep you posted if I think of anything good. Bye!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:15 am
Helloooooo, Benjamin, Kaiden, and Ryan! So nice to hear from all of you!
Benjamin, thanks for liking my title. I like that one a lot, too! Or “How to Lose Weight as a Rat” also works– for sure it shows you who the target audience is. I will definitely take your recommendation to RUN RUN RUN from cats–it would not only help me lose a few pounds (or grams)–it would also help me keep ALIVE. And “Be a Normal Rat, and Try to Lose the Fat” sounds like a great subtitle for any of those titles. I’m not insulted–I’m just, you know, a rat who could stand to lose a few!
Kaiden, hmmmmmmmmm… I’m pretty sure “How to Be a Rat Without Fat” is a good title, too! Thanks a lot for the suggestion, and I will put it right in my Rodent Diet Book Suggestion Box, with your name on it.
And Ryan, no worries if you haven’t thought of a good title yet. I’ve got lots of suggestions to choose from so far. And I appreciate that you are still thinking about it! Every rodent, no matter how brilliant, can always use a little help now and then. So do let me know if you think of anything later on!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:16 am
Hiya rasty boi! I got a great diet for rodents title…BUT in exchange for the location of the rodent city! Okay so the title for that epic diet for rodents book is “Rasty’s Rodent Diet Plan!Be A RAT And Not So Fat!” (Remember to send that location of the rodent city!)
May 5th, 2023 at 11:17 am
Okay, Matthew, it’s a deal! I do like “Rasty’s Rodent Diet Plan! Be a RAT and Not So Fat!” That’s a good, solid title for a good, solid book; plus it uses MY name, which seems only right. About directions to Rodent City–they’re pretty easy, now that I’ve finally found my address book. But street signs are way too high for me to read, and anyway, that’s not how rodents find things. So here’s how you find it, step by step.
1. First find the city of Grayson Lake. That should be easy–it’s somewhere in the middle of the country, they tell me. And there’s a lake in it (conveniently called “Grayson Lake”.)
2. Starting from the lake by Emmy’s house (it’s the big gray stone one with turrets), scamper across the yard and scurry around the edge of the curb until you find the culvert that goes under the road.
3. Scamper through the culvert (be careful, it’s damp!) and come out the other side. Look carefully both ways for cats.
4. Take the shortcut through the weeds until you come out at the soccer fields. You will see the elementary school in the distance.
5. Turn left at the big tuft of grass (it’s by the big gray rock) and don’t fall in the gopher holes. Dodge the trees in the park and watch out for falling acorns (the squirrels like to throw them sometimes; I don’t know why. Probably because squirrels aren’t very friendly. Also, not too bright.)
6. Cross the street (after looking out for cars AND cats) with your very fastest scamper. Jump up on the sidewalk in front of the art gallery.
7. Look for the crack in the sidewalk, at the base of the steps, where the concrete has crumbled. Squeeze inside.
8. Go down the tunnel and there you are! Rodent City! Ask for Mrs. Bunjee (tell her Ratty sent you) and she’ll give you some hot chocolate and acorn cakes. (The acorn cakes are a little dry, but the hot chocolate is RATABULOUS.)
May 5th, 2023 at 11:18 am
Hi Ratson, maybe you could name it How to lose weight, Eat better, and be the best rat you can be! I bet it would be a very good book. I believe in you😊
May 5th, 2023 at 11:18 am
Hey Ratty!! Sorry I missed your message yesterday! I thought I sent it. Maybe it didn’t go through… Anyways, I heard you are going to write a book for rodents because the lady librarian didn’t have it!! Well I’m not that good at coming up with names, but maybe “Don’t be a frat, just loose fat!” Yeah… I don’t think “frat” is a word. Anyways… I hope you like it!!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:19 am
Hey, Cassidy and Nina, great to hear from you!
Cassidy, that’s a very inspirational title. “How to Lose Weight: Eat Better and Be the Best Rat You Can Be!” Because who DOESN’T want to be the best rat they can be? Not me! And thanks a ratzillion for your vote of confidence. There is nothing like having someone believe in a rat. I just feel I am going to do great things, now, because of your encouragement!
And Nina, I’m sorry I didn’t get your comment yesterday. I am sure it was BRILLIANT! But focusing on today, yes, I AM planning to write a diet book for rodents. Because–and I know you will find this hard to believe–but THERE ARE NO DIET BOOKS OUT THERE FOR RODENTS!! Not even ONE!!! Clearly this is a situation that must be rectified. (Or RATified. Or something like that. Anyway.) About your title, it has a nice ring to it, but I think you’re right–“frat” isn’t a word, unless you are talking about a men’s fraternity in college? But I kind of think you didn’t have that in mind. Would you consider substituting the British word “prat” for “frat”? It would still rhyme, and when a Brit calls someone a prat, it means they are an “incompetent or stupid person; an idiot”. What do you think?
May 5th, 2023 at 11:20 am
I have a suggestion you could say rodents how to stay fit. And I have a question how dose it feel to shrink people.
May 5th, 2023 at 11:20 am
How to lose weight for over sized rodents.
Good luck trying to lose weight.
May 5th, 2023 at 11:21 am
Hi, Alex and Kendyl, happy ratty Monday! It’s nice of you to write to me. I need a lot of help on my diet book!
Alex, it’s a good idea to have the title be about how rodents could stay fit. And I’m starting to think maybe, just maybe, I should think a little more about staying fit (and less about peanut butter cups.) So thanks! And how it feels to shrink people is– um– sort of weird. I mean, I don’t feel anything, not really–except biting people usually tastes sort of bad (and especially if they’ve been playing soccer–it tastes sort of sweaty, you know?) But it’s weird to see them shrink. And then they usually get mad at ME. Hey, is it MY fault they did something dumb that caused me to bite them? It’s usually not on purpose!
Kendyl, I also like that title, “How to Lose Weight for Over-Sized Rodents”. I guess I am a little bit oversized, aren’t I? And there are a few more hefty rats out there! For instance, most muskRATS are pretty chunky. And what about the Giant Rats of Sumatra? They’re scary big! Anyway, thanks for the title, and thanks for your good-luck wishes. I will need them, I think!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:22 am
Hi Ratty!
That is a really good doing a diet book for rodents. I had a hard time thinking of a title, but let me see what you think about my title.
The Peanut Butter Weight Loss Warrior.
May 5th, 2023 at 11:22 am
hi ratty I think its really cool that your going to be an author and a star paw ball player and you should title the book when they offer you fudge don’t budge .
May 5th, 2023 at 11:23 am
Hi there, Andrea and Xavier! Hope you’re both having a ratastic day.
Andrea, I’m glad you like the idea of doing a diet book for rodents. And I think your title is pretty ratawesome! (Or aweratsome? Anyway, you get the idea.) I LIKE the idea of being a rat warrior. Like, say, a NINJA RAT!! Yeah, that would be ratly cool! I could wear the mask, and carry a sword and throwing stars… wow. Losing weight is going to be a lot more fun if I’m a warrior–especially a peanut butter warrior!
Xavier, it makes me rathappy that you think it’s cool I’m going to be an author. And I AM going to be a star pawball player, just you wait and see! (Chippy doesn’t think I’m that good, but I beg to differ.) And thanks for another ratsuper title–I really like “When They Offer You Fudge, Don’t Budge”. Or we could just say, “When You Eat Fudge, Don’t Pudge!” (Well, maybe not.)
May 5th, 2023 at 11:24 am
You should do Lose the Pudge, Say No to Fudge! As your book. hope you make to the pawball game unless your too fat😂 Sorry if I hurt you feeling ratty but try exercising and taking it down a little on those peanut butter cups. By the way how many pounds or ounces do you way? Plus can you tell me what your song for the pawball game is going to by.
May 5th, 2023 at 11:24 am
Hey ratty! maybe you should start by running and doing jumping jacks and a tutorial of exercises and here is an idea for the title of your book exercise for rodents and you should make a series don’t be a cat and start running like a rat or maybe how to get muscles for rodents and I’m glad you feel better but maybe try a different candy or something else so that you want be possibly dying you know try something new.
May 5th, 2023 at 11:25 am
A big ratty hello to you, Quest and Yohana! Thanks for writing.
Okay, Quest, I do like that title of mine, too. And thanks for your good wishes about the pawball game. You’re not hurting my feelings–I know I could stand to lose a few pounds–well, maybe ounces, being rat-sized–but in any case, I DID ask for your advice! And I think I like your advice about exercising. Hmmmm… what exercise should I do? I’ll have to think about it. Something fun, maybe! And my weight is… well, on a human scale, I’m almost TWO POUNDS!!! And that’s a lot for a rat, I think. Oh, and about my song… it’s not for the pawball game. It’s for something else. And it was–well–fairly brilliant, if I do say so myself. But you can decide what you think when you get to that part in the story!
Hey, Yohana, you are maybe the third person to tell me I should exercise. And I think you’re right. I’m going to do it! Jumping rats (I mean jacks) and more. Maybe I’ll try a new sport? Or something that will really build my ratty muscles… Your title, “Exercise for Rodents” would work really well for getting rats into the fitness thing. I think maybe I’ll have to try a LOT of new exercises so I can put them ALL in the book. And a series isn’t a bad idea, either. You’ve even got good titles for those! And I’m going to try to cut down on the peanut butter cups (but only a little. I think I might die if I DON’T get to eat them.)
May 5th, 2023 at 11:26 am
Hi Ratty! I think a Ratastic name for a rodent diet book would be “The Peanut Butter Cup Diet” (not scientifically proven either).
On another note, You really should probably keep the PB cups to a minimum. I’m reading a book called “Strangeville School” and the Main Character, Harry, gave Cuddles (The Rat) just ONE PB cup and he grew to be lifesized! JUST 1 PB cup had the same effect as a kiss from Sissy. Which has me wondering…can a kiss from Sissy make a RAT grow? Hmmm…Maybe a Lifesize Rat might scare Muffy or Miss Barmy. Have a great day!
May 5th, 2023 at 11:27 am
Hi Mrs. McLaughlin! I do like your title a lot (because, you know, anything with peanut butter cups in it just HAS to be good), but I’m wondering how it could be a diet if it was all about eating peanut butter cups? I mean, that’s how I got into this weight problem in the first place, I’m pretty sure. Oh, I know– the diet could be to eat nothing but peanut butter cups, and then you’d get so sick of them you wouldn’t want to eat anything at all? Except it’s hard to imagine getting sick of peanut butter cups. So maybe you’re right–I SHOULD keep the peanut butter cups to a minimum. No more than seven a day, for sure. Or maybe eight, but ratsolutely no more than nine.
Strangeville School sounds surprisingly familiar! Isn’t there another book with a rat, who loves peanut butter cups, and has characters that shrink and grow? Hmmmm. Let me think about that. (OH, wait–it’s MY book!!! Is this called ratplagarism? Should I sue somebody? Do you know any lawyers who wouldn’t mind having a rodent for a client?)
Still, I do like the idea of scaring Muffy or Miss Barmy, I have to admit!