May 15th, 2023 by The Rat

Well, that was a hard day’s work, the other day!  I was so tired after doing all that laundry, all I wanted to do was find a good book, and read until I fell asleep.

So I scampered right up the library steps and onto the desk, and (being very rodently polite) I said, “Yo, library lady!  How about a good bedtime story?  What would you recommend for a rat?”

She smiled and said she had the perfect book for me.  So I took it home, got all snuggly in my jammies, and opened it up.

But oh my gosh, I can’t believe it!  This is a SCARY book!  I mean, seriously… Where the Wild Rats Are?   Is this really the kind of thing grownups think we should be reading before bed?  What if I dream of monsters?

Have YOU ever read a really scary book?  If you did, how did you get to sleep afterwards?

I think all those people who keep saying reading is great, reading is fun, reading is important, blah blah blah, should add something else… READING IS DANGEROUS!

May 10th, 2023 by The Rat

So a yesterday after the gym I went to the beach, see?  I thought it would be nice to cool off in the water, after working so hard lifting weights.  And after I got done swimming (we rodents are excellent swimmers), I walked along the shore, collecting things.  You know, shells, little rocks, dead minnows… the usual.  I didn’t have a bag along so I just put them in my socks.

When I got home I put everything in a pile with my sweaty clothes from the gym, and forgot about it.  Laundry can always wait, right?  But– peee-ewww!!  Who knew a few dead fish would stink like that?  You’re lucky this isn’t a scratch-and-sniff blog!  I tried to get Emmy to do my laundry, but she refused.

I ask you, is this FAIR?  We rodents have exceptionally sensitive noses!  I think someone else should do this job for me, don’t you?

I wonder… have YOU ever had to do a job that you thought was too hard, or unfair, or just plain stinky?  What did you do?

May 8th, 2023 by The Rat

Yes, that’s me, Raston A. Rat, at the gym!  I’m looking pretty good, if I do say so myself!

Some of you suggested that I should exercise to get rid of the flab.  And I must confess that my usual muscular, handsome physique is looking a little pudgy lately.  A little more like a guinea pig than a rat, to be perfectly honest.

So here I am, pumping IRON!!!  Do you like the ratty muscles in the picture?  Can you tell I’m a MANLY sort of rodent?  (If you can’t see my muscles very well, just remember they’re covered up by fur.  And anyway, it’s always nice to feel fit, vigorous, and healthy, even if the muscles don’t show.)

But do you want to know the best thing about working out at the gym?  It’s this:  there is nothing, absolutely nothing like a little grunting and sweating and flat-out pain to make a rodent feel absolutely fantastic– once he stops.

So… what do you do for exercise?  And how great does it feel when YOU stop?

May 5th, 2023 by The Rat

Okay, there’s good news and bad news.  The good news is, I didn’t have the Ratbonic Plague, because my rash is all gone today!

On the other hand, I was feeling so bad yesterday that I had a few peanut butter cups to make myself feel better.  Well, okay, I had MORE than a few.  And that got me worried.  I can’t afford to be so heavy that I slow down.  After all, what if I meet up with a CAT someday?  I have to be able to dash, see?  So today I got on the scale, just to check how the ol’ weight is coming along.

And YIKES!  I’d never seen a number that big before!

So I asked the nice library lady where her weight-loss books for rats were.  And would you believe it?  She said there are NO diet books for rodents!  Not even guinea pigs, and most of them could stand to lose a few ounces (Why do you think they call them PIGS??)

Hmmm.  Maybe I should write the world’s first diet book for rodents!  I’ve been trying to think of some good titles.  How about, Lose the Pudge, Say No to Fudge!   or Take a Dare, Eat a Carr(ot).  Or even better, How to Lose Weight on Seventeen Peanut Butter Cups a Day (that diet hasn’t been tested yet!)

Do YOU have any good ideas for titles?

April 28th, 2023 by The Rat

Helloooooo, and a big welcome to all you fifth graders reading with Mrs. McLaughlin!  Are you ready to blog with me?  Because I’m ready to ratblog with YOU!

Notice my excellent posture at the keyboard?  My beautifully curved tail?  My perky ears?   I even dabbed a little extra hair gel between my ears, just for you.  I’m going for the spiky look.

Okay, I’m ready to start jumping around on the keyboard (I like to type with all four paws.)  But there’s just one little thing that has me… well, not exactly worried.  Not precisely anxious.  But maybe just a little teensy bit… um… nervous?

So here’s the big question:  What if some of you don’t like rats?  What if you don’t like ME?

Okay, if you can’t stand rats, please don’t tell me.  We rodents have very sensitive feelings. But if you like me, maybe you could tell me?  After all, I AM a very handsome rat… plus, I LOVE to blog.  Do you?

Your friend,

Ratty

P.S.  I hope none of you are cats.