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Ratty Hits the Gym

January 24th, 2020 by The Rat

ratty lifts weights

Yes, that’s me, Raston A. Rat, at the gym!  I’m looking pretty good, if I do say so myself!

Some of you suggested that I should exercise to get rid of the flab.  And I must confess that my usual muscular, handsome physique is looking a little pudgy lately.  A little more like a guinea pig than a rat, to be perfectly honest.

So here I am, pumping IRON!!!  Do you like the ratty muscles in the picture?  Can you tell I’m a MANLY sort of rodent?  (If you can’t see my muscles very well, just remember they’re covered up by fur.  And anyway, it’s always nice to feel fit, vigorous, and healthy, even if the muscles don’t show.)

But do you want to know the best thing about working out at the gym?  It’s this:  there is nothing, absolutely nothing like a little grunting and sweating and flat-out pain to make a rodent feel absolutely fantastic– once he stops.

So… what do you do for exercise?  And how great does it feel when YOU stop?

The Rat Weighs In

January 23rd, 2020 by The Rat


Okay, there’s good news and bad news.  The good news is, I didn’t have the Ratbonic Plague, because my rash is all gone today!

On the other hand, I was feeling so bad yesterday that I had a few peanut butter cups to make myself feel better.  Well, okay, I had MORE than a few.  And that got me worried.  I can’t afford to be so heavy that I slow down.  After all, what if I meet up with a CAT someday?  I have to be able to dash, see?  So today I got on the scale, just to check how the ol’ weight is coming along.

And YIKES!  I’d never seen a number that big before!

So I asked the nice library lady where her weight-loss books for rats were.  And would you believe it?  She said there are NO diet books for rodents!  Not even guinea pigs, and most of them could stand to lose a few ounces (Why do you think they call them PIGS??)

Hmmm.  Maybe I should write the world’s first diet book for rodents!  I’ve been trying to think of some good titles.  How about, Lose the Pudge, Say No to Fudge!   or Take a Dare, Eat a Carr(ot).  Or even better, How to Lose Weight on Seventeen Peanut Butter Cups a Day (that diet hasn’t been tested yet!)

Do YOU have any good ideas for titles?

The Rat is (possibly) dying…

January 22nd, 2020 by The Rat

Oh my gosh I feel so AWFUL.  I had a few peanut butter cups to build up my strength after all that laundry I did– okay, well, I had a LOT of peanut butter cups– but then last night my paws started to shake and my little ratty heart went about 600 beats a minute and my ears turned all red and scabby.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I started to itch all over.  I looked in the mirror and I was covered with SPOTS!  Oh, my aching tail.  I was so worried– what if it was the Ratbonic Plague, or the dreaded SCALY TAIL FEVER?!?

Oh, I feel sick.  And it’s hard to breathe… (gasp! gasp! gasp!)  Am I contagious?  Will everyone want to stay away from me?  What if the spots never go away, and I look like a polka-dotted furball for the rest of my ratty life?

Maybe I need some MORE peanut butter cups!  Yeah, that would cheer me up!

Have YOU ever been sick?  Do you have any good ideas for what might make me feel better?

P.S.  I hope I’m not allergic to peanuts.  Or chocolate.

Rodent Laundry is Seriously Smelly

January 21st, 2020 by The Rat

ratty doing laundry

So lately I’ve been on vacation at the beach, see?  And the last day I walked along the beach collecting things.  You know, shells, little rocks, dead minnows… the usual.  I didn’t have a bag along so I just put them in my socks.

When I got home I put everything in a pile and forgot about it.  Laundry can always wait, right?  But– peee-ewww!!  Who knew a few dead fish would stink like that?  You’re lucky this isn’t a scratch-and-sniff blog!  I tried to get Emmy to do my laundry, but she refused.

I ask you, is this fair?  We rodents have exceptionally sensitive noses!  I think someone else should do this job for me, don’t you?

I wonder… have YOU ever had to do a job that you thought was too hard, or unfair, or just plain stinky?  What did you do?

Hey, hey, hey, it’s time to BLOG!

January 20th, 2020 by The Rat

Helloooooo, all you La Mision homeschool kids, and a big ratty hello to Ms. Boni, Mr. Mark, and Ms. Dawn, too!  Are you ready to blog with me?  Because I’m ready to ratblog with YOU!

Notice my excellent posture at the keyboard?  My beautifully curved tail?  My perky ears?   I even dabbed a little extra hair gel between my ears, just for you.  I’m going for the spiky look.

Okay, I’m ready to start jumping around on the keyboard (I like to type with all four paws.)  But there’s just one little thing that has me… well, not exactly worried.  Not precisely anxious.  But maybe just a little teensy bit… um… nervous?

So here’s the big question:  What if some of you don’t like rats?  What if you don’t like ME?

Okay, if you can’t stand rats, please don’t tell me.  We rats have very sensitive feelings. But if you like me, maybe you could tell me?  After all, I AM a very handsome rat… plus, I LOVE to blog.  Do you?

Your friend,


P.S.  I hope none of you are cats.